Reconstruction

I just watched this video and wanted to share it. I'd heard about Vinnie awhile back and had planned to have him finish off my foobs when the time comes. I'm in the midst of chemo so a lot of my more superficial concerns have kinda gone out the window. I haven't thought a lot about my breasts, their thighmeat replacement lumps, or what will ultimately be filling out my swimsuits in my years of survivorship. But having been reminded, there are some things I'd like to get off my chest (pun intended).

First, if you're recently diagnosed and thinking about what sort of reconstruction you'd like to have, take a step back. You need to ask yourself and your surgeons and hopefully at least one oncologist whether or not immediate reconstruction is worth the risk. Lemme quote myself and give you my HIPAA protected medical history real quick.

Here's what happened with me: I found out that I had cancer. Then, I found out that it was serious. At least the one mastectomy was strongly recommended. I chose to go bilateral because I didn't want the possibility of having breast cancer ever again (although, scientifically, I know it dosen't actually make a difference). I also thought it'd be easier to get a matching pair if my plastic surgeon started from scratch. My breast surgeon gave me the name of two plastic surgeons and told me to pick one within a week. One pitched implants, the other autologous reconstruction.  

There are two options when it comes to breast reconstruction: implants or autologous breast reconstruction. Breast implants are exactly what you know them to be, however, once all your breast tissue is removed you're left with just skin and implant. It's not quite the same as an augmentation. The woman in the Times video had implant reconstruction. Autologous reconstruction, on the other hand, takes tissue from another part of your body (usually the lower stomach) and transplants it to your chest to make new breasts. I decided to go the frankenboob (autologous) route for a lot of reasons. There are costs, benefits, and risks unique to each procedure. I won't rehash them here.  

Because I'm so thin, there wasn't enough fat on my stomach to build two breasts. The transplant came from the back of my thighs. I had healing complications that pushed the start of chemotherapy (desperately needed, lifesaving chemotherapy) back from the recommended ASAP to a full 59 days from surgery. I also got the gift of four disfiguring scars. Autologous reconstruction is done in two sessions. The initial transplant then the revision. Revision surgery happens after all your cancer treatment is complete. My plastic surgeon promises that I'll look normal again when it's all over. Inside the body I have right now, it's hard to imagine. 

This is where I'm coming from when I say STEP BACK. Reconstruction at the time of mastectomy is seen as beneficial for two reasons. First, one surgery is considered better than two in the opinion of the medical community. Second, the patriarchal medical community seems to think that not having breasts (those same breasts that were trying to kill you) for some period of time is more than the fragile female psyche can handle. But what you get initially aren't breasts. They aren't yours. You don't look the same in the mirror or in your clothes. You can't even feel the damn things. I, personally, think that it was an added psychological burden to have to get used to what took the place of my glorious Little Sisters while at the same time getting used to the idea of having cancer. I think that having my breasts simply removed would have made me feel less threatened, like I had taken a step in the right direction. I think I would have felt powerful, the same feeling that leads me to rock my bald head on a daily basis.

However, not having the reconstruction at the time of surgery was never even presented as an option. Not only would "just going flat" have actually saved me some body issues, it still may make a difference in my survival since the effects of the chemo delay won't be known till it's too late, if ever. I may have sacrificed years of my life for dumb little fake titties. That's a hard pill to swallow.

When all this is over and I'm in whatever body cancer leaves me with, I'll probably go to Vinnie's for fake, 3D nipples (the woman in the video had a surgically-made little nubbin that I skipped. I figure: if they aren't going to function, why have them at all? Bra-less 4 lyfe.) I also am going to probably get something pretty to cover some of the scars. But when the woman in the video said that reconstructed breasts are hard for women to talk about, it prompted my contrary nature. If you are recently diagnosed, you're so much farther from "normal" than you think, it's not even funny. There's no rush to reconstruct.